S
There is a secret that lurks in my soul. Sometimes, I think it's too horrible for anyone to understand. I don't hate life, but I don't love it anymore. I don't know if I ever really did. I've lost so much, that I really don't love my life and I don't think there is anything that can ever change it because I have recurrent depression due to Hashimoto's Thryoiditis. Maybe my life will just be completely about managing my illnesses. The down side is that I actually need people to do that. 
I wonder if the people that left, if that was easy. I wonder if they miss me like I miss them. Sometimes it takes years to repair the damage. If anyone read Doomsday, then I may not ever truly recover from it. There will always be a scar, but one that no one can see. Does anyone see behind the mask?
I feel like giving up most of the time, but there is a tiny little thing inside me that says not to. I just really want him back. I hate what happened to me, but I truly believe that if my job was so steeped in ignorance about mental illnesses, they would have not made as big a deal about it as they did. I honestly don't know how I'm still alive.
I feel hopeless about finding friends or getting them back. I just feel like I keep disappointing people because I'm not better to the point to the person that I was. I just wish my face changed to go with what I am now. The problem is that I'm not quite sure who I am. I'm just not quite sure where I'm going from now on.
S
