S
I can tell you that time doesn't heal wounds. It just makes them less raw, turns it into a dull ache rather than a sharp pain. I took having the case dismissed pretty hard. I just wanted someone to believe me that what the bank did was real. I know the department of unemployment in CT did, but the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission did not. This is probably due to the bank spending a crap load of money on their lawyer. In a way, I inconvenienced them and cost them money fighting a federal charge. However, no matter how much time goes by, I will have the scars from what they did.
I know that in the future, I will become a survivor, an advocate and a better fighter. I may even become a lawyer. In the present, I do not know who I am anymore. My life was turned upside down and I'm trying to rebuild myself. I am trying to form new relationships, but it's difficult for me to do so. There is part of me that is really guarded now, yet I want to belong.
While depression effects my life, it is not who I am. Time also effects my depression. The level of it changes with daylight savings. That makes winter more difficult for me. The hardest part of the day is getting up in the morning. I wonder sometimes if my life will always be this struggle.
Time might allow me to be close to someone again. I hope that I can be, but am terrified of being so vulnerable again. I want to be good again. I know that this may take years to get over. I think that I might always miss him.
If I really cared about him, I will make something of myself that will make the bank a footnote in my story. Time cannot heal but it can eradicate the existence of things sometimes. Eventually the bank will be bought out and it will just be a story. Every trace of it will belong to something else under another name. I, hopefully, will still be here. I will also make a name for myself, eventually.
I want to be remembered as a good friend, a good person and someone that helped make the world better. Time will tell if it will happen.
S
