S
This is probably the most difficult post to write because I have never understood love. Not in the way that I think other people do, but what I know of love, does, in fact, make life better.I have written many times before about love. I believe that there are many forms of love, sometimes the lines get blurred, but love is never wrong. No matter if it's romantic, familial or platonic, love should be unconditional. Sometimes love is painful, but love is also about forgiveness. I found a great friend in him and I have forgiven him all his faults. Love is also about acceptance and patience; accepting limitations and having the patience to get through the tough times.
I don't think I've ever really been in love with anyone except for maybe Freddie. I don't know if I'm unselfish enough for romantic love. All I really want and still want is just a really great affectionate friend. I miss having that. All I really wanted was to be hugged and just to hold hands. Those are not signs of romantic love, but they are signs of love and care.
You never have to use the word love, but it represents feelings of connection that I fear I may never have. Maybe I'm too intelligent to just let my emotions run away or perhaps my emotional education was stunted. I will tell you this: friendship is a form of love because they are the family you choose. Relationships are never easy, but they are worth it because love is worth it.
All I have right now is the hope of love returning since depression robbed me of so much including my ability to care for myself let alone care for another. I have the hope that maybe one day I can feel the love that I desire, but I have to start by loving myself first. That is what I am striving to do, learn to love myself so that my world will be transformed by that mysterious emotion called love. From what I have seen love can and does make life better.
Never hold it back. Never be afraid of it. Always embrace it.
S
