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What people fail to realize is that depression and anxiety are episodic even on medication. I had an anxiety episode today and it was horrible. My anxiety is high because of stress at work and then i took an exam today and a page was missing. It was just horrible.When I feel so tensed and stressed people really can't get close to me. My supervisor wanted to discuss a problem with a check and took an extra step towards me and i freaked out and told her to back off. I mean I try every single day to get to work and try to do my job. I only missed half a day of work since the incident happened. I think that's pretty good.
I didn't meant to explode but I just can't let anyone get too close to me. I'm also mad at myself for making so many mistakes because it feels like my brain is flipping. I have been on Pristiq for about a month and have just started the Deplin. It just seems like my brain chemistry is messed up.
I feel stupid most of the time because my brain isn't working. I used to be a valued employee and now I'm just a fucking mess. I can't concentrate or I stare off into space. I use my coping journal and try to identify my thoughts. I try and it seems like it isn't good enough.
I asked to have a break in the morning and they want to put it under Family Medical Leave Act instead of Americans with Disabilities act, which says that a reasonable accommodations for disabilities. I am not asking for a change in work schedule or to inconvenience anyone. I just need time to decompress and breathe for a bit. They are waiting on paperwork from my APRN. They should only need a letter not FMLA. My company is ridiculous.
I just don't know what to do anymore. People look at mental illnesses as an excuse. I work my butt off to try to get better and yet the world seems like it wants me to be pummeled to the ground. I have lost so much and I just want to go back to being me. The meds are messing with my brain and I want that stage to be over with.
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