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I'm pretty sure all my readers and friends can tell when my condition rears its ugly head. My cognitive abilities are hindered. My spelling is off as well as my thought process. Sometimes I stutter or just look down searching for the correct word. Sometimes I say the wrong cranberry (stolen from Iron Man 3).It's almost like my intelligence level has dropped down and I can't get it back to work. I hate this fact because I used to be well spoken and witty, but I'm not there anymore. I am on my good days, but when I start to feel dysphoric again I am an idiot. For being the cleverest person in the room, this is frustrating.
I am not quite sure if it's the severity of the depression that has caused this or if it's the medication. At this point, I'm fairly sure that it's the depression itself. I understand why it's a disability because it effects every facet of the sufferer's life. For me, it's the cognitive abilities that bother me the most.
I don't care that I am asexual now or sleep too much or crave sugar more (in the form of soda). I want my speech and mind to go back to being what they were. I'm not sure if this happens to anyone else, but it's part of me that is gone. People say that I will go back to my normal functioning, but so far my cognitive abilities have improved very little.
There are many things that I want back that my condition have destroyed. The only resolution to all of them is time. I have never been that patient.
S
