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The worst thing about getting better and recovering is the effect it has on your cognitive abilities. I still feel jumbled and it gets worse when I am stressed. I actually have memory wipes when I'm stressed. I just have blank spaces from the day and it's a horrible thing.I also think that part of it is because I get frustrated when I mess things up like spelling or speaking or that I forget a word and that exacerbates things. I keep feeling like I'm stupid and unaccomplished, which is the complete opposite of the truth.
I know that my brain is rewiring and that it will take time, but I don't have the patience. I have to learn patience and slow down. I always want to rush things....to be the best...to be the one that people look up to. I think that I am trying to run before I can crawl.
I get frustrated with my progress at times because I want to be on the level I was before this horrendous bout of depression. I am doing everything right, but I'm not back to me yet. I want to be me and I want to find happiness. Maybe that will take a while or maybe I have to find a new version of me. I'm just unsure of where to go.
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