S
Hope is a complicated emotion. It can be the only thing that people cling to and it's devastating when hope is lost, well, seemingly lost. Hope never dies, but it can hide as depression sucks out everything from your soul until only darkness remains. Hope is a good emotion. I quite like hope.So, why am I writing about hope again? The reason is that today, was the first time I felt truly hopeful in a while. I was talking about how everything is uncertain since one friend came back, which was the friend that I didn't think would return. My therapist said that you never know what will happen.
My job has been topsy turvy with staffing as we are continually short due to high turnover. Part of that is unfortunate hiring decisions and the other happens to be low pay. For the area where I live, money is an important factor to most, but not to me. I have met many interesting people and one of them was him. Today was the first non-tense non-work related mini conversation that we had since February. Even if we won't be good friends again, at least the animosity is dissipating. That was where my hope came from.
The hope might be brief, but it is there. No one knows what the future truly holds. Even my visions are of mundane things that I don't truly figure out till later. This optimism is new for me. I have never been a glass half full kind of girl. I don't always see the bright side, but there is a glimmer that healing is possible. That is enough for now. The knowledge of possibilities made me smile in a way that I didn't think possible with all this stress. I have something to look forward to down the road and that's enough.
S
