S
As I've started working on training and have been a teacher for 5 years, I have been getting input on creating new training programs. These trainings that I am designing has brought pride in myself. It has made me feel like I am making a difference, that I can overcome my illness to do something productive.Today, I was talking to him as he is the training officer, about the board that I wanted to do. Somehow the conversation turned into how everyone has something to do that is important. He replied with everyone is important. That got me to thinking about something that is very painful. The main symptom of depression is the feeling of worthlessness. The belief from distorted thinking that I am not important. While that has improved a bit to the point where I believe that what I do in terms of writing and teaching are important, I am not important.
There are days when I think and feel that the world would be perfectly fine without me. Someone will come up with similar ideas. Someone will bring more joy than I can. There are smarter, prettier, lovelier people than me. That doesn't mean that I don't have value. In the here and now, I am doing something while everyone else is not.
There are still gaps in me that have yet to be filled. The emptiness of my soul that is consuming my waking moments. I have to believe that I am important because even the most ordinary person has something that they are meant to do. That is something that I have to remind myself everyday, everyone is important.
S
