Yesterday was a bad day.  I still have bad days where I want to give up on life because I get triggered and need to find a better way to cope with the triggers when they show up unexpectedly. I ended up on the suicide instant chat last night, which helps me calm down and think clearly.  I wrote a letter of complaint last night and that was very therapeutic.  I also called my friend Jamiyl from college who always listens late at night.

Today was a much better day.  I think that was because I was calmer and was working on academic type stuff.  I am doing a course through my company called Human Relations and the chapter I'm reading has a lot to do with self-esteem.  It makes sense that people with low self-esteem have more emotional issues and I know that my self-esteem has suffered greatly.  Part of that might be the depression itself and part is that I stopped believing that I was beautiful, worthwhile and brilliant.  I hope to get that back some day.

The first thing that I wanted to start with is beauty.  That is definitely a difficult thing to define.  I still suffer from acne, which I hate because I'm 27 and believe that I shouldn't have it anymore.  I am also overweight though I am working an exercise program, which is helping me slim down.  I also wanted to be a make up artist at one point so I experiment with looks and colors.

There is a power in make up that just enhances beauty.  Make up like lingerie is more for the wearer than the seer because it is that boost of confidence that is needed.  I am going to try to work on my beauty.  I will experiment and play in order to boost my self-esteem and beat depression.  It's the little things to start with.

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