6 Months

Today is my 6 months.  I haven't cut in 6 months, which is something to be proud of, I suppose.  I guess it means that I am stronger, but the emptiness is still there.  I don't get as many cravings as I used to, but I still want it when I am very sad or stressed out or angry.  Now I do other things instead.

I had a rule on my wellness plan to do the 15 minute rule, which means when I have a craving, I do something else for 15 minutes and if I still need to, then I can.  Since starting the 15 minute rule, I haven't needed to.  I either call someone, or write, or listen to music.  Usually calling someone doesn't work as well because it's not him.  I call Jamiyl, which helps too because he's the only person that I am comfortable with crying.  I don't cry pretty either so if I can, I don't cry in public.  The truth is that he's gone.

The cutting doesn't love me, but it gave me what I needed, which was the endorphins.  I still have some scars from it that are barely noticeable now.  I do things that make me feel pretty like the photo campaign, which I enjoyed doing and I hoped people liked it.  I wear perfume and use lotions to minimize the appearance and in time they will disappear. 

I want to have some tattoos under the scars to always remind me that I survived.  I have a tattoo from Doctor Who, Sherlock and Queen.  The three things that I love to combat the destruction.  I plan to write about how the Doctor changed my life.  I wrote about how Freddie has. 

To celebrate 6 months, I am going out to see a movie.  I will now post my last picture of my campaign.


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