SThis is move in week for me at the new apartment. It's going well so far, but still slow considering that I'm still packing. I am still left feeling a bit sad because my crappy house was the only house that I've lived in.
As for my sinus infection, it's much better. The dizzy spells are fading and now I'm getting used to eating normal food again. I will now get down to the nitty gritty of cleaning the apartment.
I started today by moving boxes in and vacuuming the place. Since we think the previous owner had a cat (which I'm allergic to and they weren't supposed to have) it was necessary to super vacuum the place. I figured out the cat part because there were little tufts of fur on parts of the carpet. Hopefully, I got it all.
Tomorrow, I get to start scrubbing down the kitchen and starting to put things away. That is the most joyous thing in the world. Truth is that I'm kind of scared. It's a big place for just me. It's nice and open, but it's going to be so different for me. This difference makes me lonely and then suddenly I think of him. Change makes me miss who I was. The only constant in life is change, but I miss who I used to be and I miss him being there.
The weird thing is that all the things we talked about to move my life forward are happening, but he's not there to see it. That still makes me feel empty beyond words. There is a place of sadness that cannot be penetrated by the light. I don't miss him all the time, but when I do, it's devastating.
I'm hoping the rest of the moving process will be smooth and relatively painless. I know that it's a new adventure and possibly what I need, but change like this is difficult. Every new beginning comes from an end. Nothing I am doing now would not have started if something hadn't been destroyed.