My True Talent

Everyone has one thing that they are extremely talented at.  I can sing, I write, I am not afraid to be myself and I'm intelligent.  However, my true talent is survival.  I survived so much crap, especially from the past year.

There were times last year that I wanted to give up, but there was that tiny thing that told me not to.  I mean despite the fact that my depression was debilitating, I still showed up to work and did the best I could.  I know that I couldn't smile for almost 2 weeks.  That is not an exaggeration.

Now surviving a chronic illness does not mean that I am magically cured or that I don't have bad days because I do.  Sometimes the bad days are spectacular and I end up cutting because I couldn't ride out the wave.  I then get to sleep and start over again the next day.

I still struggle with my weight and my diet.  I am currently craving broiled salmon, but I cannot afford it.  I do have some beef and pork chops stored in my freezer, but it is so much easier to eat crap than it is to cook healthy.  However, I feel better when I eat well.  Maybe I might have to eat salads again.  Part of being a survivor is being healthy.

I know that it takes a great amount of effort to survive.  I have somehow turned it into an art form.  When the bank denied my unemployment, it would have been easier to fall apart and hide in the depression, but I made the decision to fight the injustice.  I won the unemployment appeal by producing facts and documentation whereas the bank only had hearsay in their possession.

I don't know how this talent will get me anywhere aside from the fact that I know that I can make it through intense bullying and trauma.  I'm stronger that I thought I was and it was something that an old friend of mine knew the entire time.


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