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Yesterday was a bad day. I still have bad days where I want to give up on life because I get triggered and need to find a better way to cope with the triggers when they show up unexpectedly. I ended up on the suicide instant chat last night, which helps me calm down and think clearly. I wrote a letter of complaint last night and that was very therapeutic. I also called my friend Jamiyl from college who always listens late at night.Today was a much better day. I think that was because I was calmer and was working on academic type stuff. I am doing a course through my company called Human Relations and the chapter I'm reading has a lot to do with self-esteem. It makes sense that people with low self-esteem have more emotional issues and I know that my self-esteem has suffered greatly. Part of that might be the depression itself and part is that I stopped believing that I was beautiful, worthwhile and brilliant. I hope to get that back some day.
The first thing that I wanted to start with is beauty. That is definitely a difficult thing to define. I still suffer from acne, which I hate because I'm 27 and believe that I shouldn't have it anymore. I am also overweight though I am working an exercise program, which is helping me slim down. I also wanted to be a make up artist at one point so I experiment with looks and colors.
There is a power in make up that just enhances beauty. Make up like lingerie is more for the wearer than the seer because it is that boost of confidence that is needed. I am going to try to work on my beauty. I will experiment and play in order to boost my self-esteem and beat depression. It's the little things to start with.
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