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How can I learn when my emotions keep getting in the way? I fight them all day long just to come home and cry. I am stuck in this place that only has a repetitive cycle of pain. I am stuck in a moment that I cannot get out of.I don't understand how you can care for someone one day and then not the next. Am I the only one who is different that cares no matter what has happened? I never seem to get what I want or what I need. The obstacles are going to take too long to overcome.
I wish there was a reset button so that I could start again. I know that I'm on the verge of real recovery, but I'm still prepared to throw it all away. Not just because I lost him or that I'm drowning in debt. I have nothing that I dreamed my life would be. I have no place of my own or lover or anything good. I'm stuck in the same place I was at 15 with depression, living with my parents and alone.
I finished one campaign telling my friends what they mean to me and in a way, they sound like goodbye letters. I didn't mean for them to be, but they have that tone. How do I hold on when there is just me stuck here?
I keep waiting for it to get better and right now it's not. It's about holding on from one moment to the next and I don't want my life to be like that. No one ever told me that life would be this hard. If life is going to be about just managing my illnesses then I don't want it. There has to be more to life than just holding on and managing.
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