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Pressure release

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The worst part of anxiety is the pressure build up.  I know part of it is stress and part of it is procrastination, so the pressure has no where to go, but up.  This pressure build up also fuels the depression because then I end up doing nothing.  So, why the pressure release?  I actually accomplished something with the help of a friend.

Since my mother is determined to fix the house up to put it on the market, the house is in a stage of chaos.  This chaos does not ease things for me because it just adds to the pressure.  All the things on my desk went into 2 boxes that had to be sorted through.  I told Jen that it was just too difficult for me to go through, so she volunteered to help me with that.  We actually got the boxes in the basement done today!

I had a ton of shit that was just hanging out in those boxes.  The stuff got divided up into keep, trash and sell.  We threw out a ton of stuff.  They were mostly old papers and receipts that I no longer needed.  I guess I was just too lazy to sort through them.  There are a few things that I should still get rid of, but I'm not ready for that and even if I am.  There is one piece of paper that I will need to keep.  We all need a memento of a time.

I did learn that I do not need candles ever again because I have a giant pile of them underneath my desk to be used. Love candles because they bring light to the darkness and that is symbolic to me.  It's the little shred of hope that we all need.

That might be why I bought a wall sconce today.  It was at a tag sale for $2 and it's of the moon.  I love the night and the moon.  This is the hope of getting a new place and finally being able to make a place mine with light, candles, warmth and joy.

I think things are easier to deal with when someone is willing to help you sort through it because I am not able to go through it by myself.  I don't think anyone can see clearly when it's their own stuff.  That might be why shows about cleaning are so popular.  Grab a friend and clean because that way you can talk your way through it.  Remember the good times or laugh at stupid things you keep.  Like dead kitty: 


This tiny act with the help of a friend has relieved the pressure a bit.  The next pressure spot is my bed room.  That will take a few weeks to go through as that is covered in clothes, books and perfume.  Let the games begin.
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