That part of the day

There is a part of the day that I refer to as the "blah" part of the day.  It happens most of the time on Sundays as I don't have many things planned.  It's the part of the day where there is nothing to do but think and by thinking I realize all the things that I miss, which then makes me sad.

During the blah part of the day I'm usually tired and bored.  Before the incident, I would normally find something to do or watch a movie, but since the incident, my brain hasn't been working as well.  I can't seem to make a decision on what to do, so I end up wasting time doing nothing.  I have caught myself staring at the floor as my brain tries to decide the best option. 

It's during the blah time that I understand why my therapist doesn't want me to take more than one day off of work because my entire day would then be blah time.  It's even difficult to write this blog today because my mind is lacking focus.  Sometimes it feels like my mind is in 20 places at once or it's just spinning around on nothing.

Sometimes it's the emotions that make it blah.  I go back and forth between missing him and hating him.  I end up knowing why I love Freddie and then missing him too.  I have projects to do and then just can't do them.  I want to be motivated to do things, but I just can't.

I don't know if it's the meds that haven't taken full effect or if it's the depression still trying to win, but blah time is not good for me or anyone and it hampers my productive times.  Most of the time I just get tired and sleep, which then makes me not sleep at night.

Blah time is just part of the struggle when my day isn't structured. 

Most Reading