I get hit by waves of sadness sometimes.  It's usually after I have a great day and then it's back to normal life.  Is my normal mode sad?  Maybe I'm not cut out for a normal life.  My mother is trying to push me to use jdate, but I can't cope with myself.  I don't want a boyfriend.  I want a deep affectionate friendship.  I only ever wanted a friend.

When I'm good, I am this amazing, vibrant, sarcastic person.  I am a very loyal friend even though I feel like almost no one is as loyal to me aside from 3 friends.  I am trying to fix the pain because by helping others, I help myself.  I still miss my friend.  I would talk to him all the time.  He was like the Doctor in a way.  He was mad, unpredictable and funny.  I adored him.  I am getting used to life without him, but it was like it was before: lonely.

I changed and have come back to being  confident and semi-healthy.  Part of me wishes that he could see it, but I know that without him none of it would have happened.  If there wasn't the incident I would have the depression in the background forever.

Now for a picture.  This is me just having a good time.


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