There are times that I don't think that anyone really sees me.  They look through me to the obvious.  I have a friend, who is very beautiful, but she doesn't believe that she is.  My supervisor is also beautiful, yet thinks that she is fat.  It usually bothers me because they can get anyone they want and I'm stuck here with no one.

My mother is pushing me to do online dating, but I've tried it and I really don't want to.  I've done it before and it has been disappointing.  Online dating can be deceptive and shallow, which is the condition of the human race.  Even he would tell me stories about how some of his friends got together with their partners.  I am not the exception...those extraodinary things that involve love do not happen to me.  I am not seen because I'm 27, overweight and still have acne.  I always end up being the friend or not mattering. 

Now this might be my distorted thinking, but it seems to be true.  I've only had one boyfriend and I'm pretty sure that he only stayed for as long as he did because I was his first girlfriend.  Also he had some low self esteem issues too.  I'm the person that gets thought of when something is needed.  Mostly when problems need to be solved because I am incredibly clever.  I am intensely knowledgeable with history, business and psychology, which is why people turn to me. 

I am the one that sets things up otherwise, I would just sit at home alone all the time.  I'm lonely because I am not seen.  I only appear when needed.  That makes me feel cheap and used.  Does anyone else feel unseen?  Do I even matter?  Does anyone see me as other than a brain?

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