SI've been questioning myself a lot lately. I'm not sure if it's from the season glumness or that I'm just passively giving up due to laziness. I am still slacking on my wellness plan in order to accomplish other things. I don't believe that I am back in the correct mindspace.
Winter does have its perks like a new season of Sherlock and fires in the fireplace. Other than that I am in pain because of my thyroid. Resting isn't even restful to me. I think I just need time to slow down and finish those things that are the most necessary. I will finish my current set of CFT courses before I take anymore.
I am still working on Pile of Good Things, but I am going to take that really slow too. I have a lot of legal things to do first like establish articles of incorporation. I also need to develop the programs for the employee referrals as well as the educational training for employers. I also need to find people to serve on the board. It's not easy work fighting an egregious injustice.
I am not doing a good job of taking care of myself. I know that my mother thinks the cure to everything is having a boyfriend. If I can't handle myself, how can I handle anyone else's crap? I am just in a mode that isn't like anyone else. I do not want any type of relationship beyond friendship.
My job is in a state of flux too. Sometimes I wish that my real life was the dream and my dream life was real. My dream life is full of goodness and impossible possibilities. In the real world, I am limited by my surroundings and my own limitations. The truth is that I'm sick. I'm not heroic or pretty or noble. I'm just someone that doesn't belong anywhere anymore.
I think right now, I'm just exhausted and lost.