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I was reading a book for research purposes for Pile of Good Things because it's a book about helping those who self injure. It's called Inside a Cutter's Mind. I like the book so far as a whole, but am not completely down with the spiritual/religious viewpoint of healing. However there was one quote in it that I immediately loved, "Relationships -not rules- hold lives together."I think people use rules sometimes as a way to distance themselves from others. It is true though that a friend, a lover, or a family member are sometimes more important than any rule in the world. Rules can be oppressive, which can cause tension in ourselves. That was the point of the story that had the quote come about. The family that the boy lived with was extremely strict, so the boy started acting out. The parents put all the rules in place like going to bed at 9 and only being able to listen to christian music in order to protect their children. In this case, those rules had the opposite effect of what the parents intended.
Everyone needs people. Not just their spouse/partner/boyfriend/girlfriend. People need friends, family, acquaintances and partners to make their lives complete. We need more than one person in our lives because we all bring different things to the plate. I am completely different from anyone else that I know. I might as well be a Time Lord since I don't fit in anywhere. I know it's difficult to be friends with me because of my illness. Can you imagine what being in an intimate relationship with me would be like?
I lost my companion, who was one of the best friends I ever had, under the guise of professionalism, another stupid rule. There are so many preferential relationships in my job that it is so hypocritical that I got reported. I had someone that accepted me for once. I am a quandary, but that's me. I don't fit in and maybe that's why I'm good at leading. I stand out. The downside to that is that I'm really lonely.
I suffer from depression and changing my outlook on life is not always that simple. I highly doubt that there is someone out there for me. If I have to fit in then I will not be me anymore. We're all stories in the end and I don't want mine to be about how I bent backwards towards everyone elses' rules. I choose my friends over my job any day. However, I might be the only one to think this way because it's my relationships that are keeping me alive, not societal rules that are. I am me and I am awesome.
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