The Worst Thing

One of the worst things for me, because I am very giving, is that when I ask for help, I get no reply.  Part of it is because I have friends that live far away and also part of it is figuring out a schedule in order to see people.  I wish that I had friends that I saw regularly.  It seems that lots of people have weekly get togethers with their friends, but I don't.

I think I do a lot for other people especially when they are in need.  I have helped several people through their serious bouts of depression, but very few are prepared or want to help with mine.  The worst part of mine is that it will take years to recover from.  What was done to me last year left some permanent damage.  I used to have a low grade depression, which I could deal with, but Doomsday kicked it into high gear because my company decided to get involved in my life, which made me lose the best support I'd ever had.  I don't think that I will ever be that connected with someone again.

It seems like my support is dwindling as I write this.  That doesn't mean that I don't have friends, but for a society supposedly so connected, we breed a lot of loneliness.  There is a way that social media is isolating us.  I know everything that is going on in a person's life and never have to speak to them.
I miss seeing people and having fun with them.

The best thing you can do for someone who is depressed is to take them out.  Even if they don't go far, it is more beneficial than leaving them alone in their dark room.  Even a 15 minute walk can help.  People need people and unfortunately, it seems that many believe that once they have a significant other they don't need anyone else.  This isn't true even people in relationships can feel lonely. 

I have gone the extra mile for many people and most of those people don't do anywhere near as much as what I do for them.  I'll stay up with you and make phone calls for you when you have a nightmare thinking this person has died, but when I need you, you leave.  I listen to you about how horrible your program is going, but when I need someone to talk to, you aren't available.  It's just not worth caring about people it seems.

I just want a friend to spend time with.  I want a person that I can feel connected with and close to.  I know that it's difficult to be around me when I'm depressed.  I can be cheered up for a bit.  It's easier to chase the demons away when there is someone else there with you.


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