SI will probably never get to tell you any of this because you are in one of your moods and are ignoring my very existence. However you were right about so many things, almost everything, in fact, except for one. You told me once that when a friend leaves either by death or differences the other friends move on. That made it seem that friendships were not important or not as important as a spouse/partner/lover. That is where you were wrong; friendships matter because people need people outside of their family to listen and when people walk out of your life, you still remember them and in turn miss them.
For me, friends were always the most important to me because I was a lonely child. I invented my own friends. In a way, I feel even lonelier as an adult. Yes, I have friends, but a lot of them live far away. Also we rely on texts to communicate. Sometimes being able to talk to someone everyday that you are not related to, but have things in common with is extremely beneficial. Maybe I'm different from everyone else when it comes to relationships. All relationships require work and most people are lazy. Also most of the human race doesn't know how to communicate properly to solve problems. We let emotions get in the way or we make a decision that does not involve the other person, With either of these pain is the only outcome.
As for missing a friend, I always remember and miss everyone that leaves. I don't always remember how things end, but I remember how they began. I remember all the good from those relationships. Sometimes people come back and I hope one day you do. I remember all the things I did to help keep you calm. I had never dealt with anyone elses' illness, but my own. You changed me for the better and I miss the possibility of a friendship and a journey together. Right now that is not possible. I found other solutions and you did not. I can't convince you of any of this.
I miss you and all the other friends that have left. It may take years to repair the damage that was done and it was not my fault nor was it yours. I go on, but I look behind. I created Pile of Good Things for you and me. To help prevent what happened to us. Mental illness needs support and those that suffer need compassion and companionship.
You were right in your opinion of me and your belief, but you were wrong thinking that your abandonment would make me move on. We all move forward, but I remember everyone including you. I will still be here if you ever need me.