Riding the wave

The other day was hellish at work.  We were short staffed, behind and there were a million customers.  At one point I just wanted to quit.  I rode that wave out and it got better.  I adapted, however, it's a lot more stress than I would have liked at the moment considering I am by myself now.

I miss being close to people.  I spent a lot of time at work.  I'm afraid to get to know people because they might see how much pain I'm in.  I think it's awful that we can't express depression in an open and honest way.  There is still so much stigma.  The unfortunate thing about my depression is that it is a symptom of my thyroid condition.  That means that it's organic and chronic.  It means that I will have episodic periods of depression for my entire life.

I think when people have depression it leaves a mark that never quite leaves.  It can be overcome, but it might also come back.  Depression is like cancer in that way.   What happened with me was that I have always had a low grade atypical depression because of the thyroid disorder.  It got kicked into severe depression with anxiety because of all the shit that happened at the bank.  The anxiety is in remission and the depression goes up and down.  I just want to feel something good again.

It's a long road to recovery and it seems like I spend most of it alone.

Most Reading