Changing Addictions

Ok, so it's not really an addiction, but it's a bad habit.  I've changed cutting for shopping.  I overspend, but it's the holidays.  I have spent way too much money on clothes and junk, which was probably a part of a rebellion.  I am getting a mental guilt trip from my mother for spending too much on things that I don't need.  My brother has done the same thing by switching from alcohol to cigar smoking. 

On the other hand, I am getting rid of things.  I have a box  of things to either donate or do at a tag sale.  I'm donating more clothes to good will and still have things of my parents to sort through.  I have been getting things that I need.  I think shopping helps me be around people, which is something I need at the moment, but I shouldn't be spending money.

I just really want to feel better about myself, but I am having a breakout and am overweight.  I know that shopping won't help with my weight or how I feel about myself.

Another good thing is that I will be getting insurance through my job, which means I will be saving money on that.  Even crappy insurance costs a lot of money.  Even though my paycheck will be a bit less, it would be better than spending $200/month on a high deductible.

Luckily, I have food in reserve, so I won't starve.  I still pay my bills, but I need to find a way to get more control.  Since I feel distant from people, I'm filling my life up with things.  The plus side is that they are things that I will use eventually.  The downside is that I am living paycheck to paycheck.  I think that once I get someone in the apartment with me, I will be able to get my life in a little bit more of a controlled situation.

I'm just in a blah state right now.

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