What to do?

I have made it to day 60.  60 days clean from cutting is something that I should be proud of.  I am still feeling blah unfortunately.  Not an unmanageable blah, but just getting to the point where I'm happy.  I don't know if it's my addict mentality that wants to rush things, but I want to be happy again.  I don't want to doubt myself anymore.

I am hoping that when I get the Deplin and can break down Folic acid, I will feel better to the point where I'm good.  I'm just stable/ ok.  I should be feeling fantastic, but the endorphins from the cutting replaced the other neurotransmitters that were lacking.  Now it's just stabilization.  I don't want to live my life just being stable.  I want to feel joy again.

I hope that there will be a day where I won't miss what was lost, but look toward the future.  I know I'm in a period of mourning, but I am doing my best to carry on.  I wish that someone would comment sometimes because I would feel less alone in the world.

I want to be this girl again:


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