S
I have made it to day 60. 60 days clean from cutting is something that I should be proud of. I am still feeling blah unfortunately. Not an unmanageable blah, but just getting to the point where I'm happy. I don't know if it's my addict mentality that wants to rush things, but I want to be happy again. I don't want to doubt myself anymore.I am hoping that when I get the Deplin and can break down Folic acid, I will feel better to the point where I'm good. I'm just stable/ ok. I should be feeling fantastic, but the endorphins from the cutting replaced the other neurotransmitters that were lacking. Now it's just stabilization. I don't want to live my life just being stable. I want to feel joy again.
I hope that there will be a day where I won't miss what was lost, but look toward the future. I know I'm in a period of mourning, but I am doing my best to carry on. I wish that someone would comment sometimes because I would feel less alone in the world.
I want to be this girl again:
S
