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Yesterday was the first day that I felt happy. At least that's what I think happiness felt like. It was the first time that I felt above stable and could actually smile on my own. Maybe that is what being happy is.I went to work yesterday and didn't get annoyed that much. We had a float and I was acting as a supervisor as the head teller had the day off. The only annoyance that I had was that there was a late customer, but that happens almost every week. I tried to help out as much as possible even though my exhaustion is getting in the way.
I spent the afternoon working on cleaning, which while it doesn't make me happy, it makes me feel like I am accomplishing something. My family is getting ready to sell our house and it looks great with all the updates, but I wish I could stay there. Not that I love the place I live, but I'm not entirely ready to leave it. I want to be ready to leave, but that will not happen in the timeline that I have.
The other thing that I did yesterday was go to tag sales and a thrift shop. To me these are like treasure hunting because you never know what you will find. I found some brand new bracelets that I will be using as gifts from a tag sale. I then went to a thrift shop because I was looking for a new pair of trousers for work as I lost a dress size. I didn't find those, but I found a shirt for $5, a necklace and eyeliner. I spent under $10 for all of that.
I'm going to explain the necklace that I bought as it significant to me. It is a plain silver clasp with a heart charm. The heart is broken in half and is missing a rhinestone on each half. To me, this means that even if the broken heart heals it will never be completely whole. I am not sure why this find lifted me, but it might be due to the fact that a jewelry designer understood that heartbreak changes a person.
While everyday will be a struggle for a while, I am hopeful that things will get better. I think this is a mix of the medication, the wellness plan and the fact that is is spring. Yesterday was the glimmer of what could be. That was the most important thing. Though I wasn't ecstatic, I was above stable and that was the thing that I needed.
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