Part of Me

There is a part of me, that I feel, will always be sad.  It's an irreparable hole in the depths of my soul that has taken root never to be taken out.  Having talked to several people about their depression, they also say that it never really goes away.  It can go into remission, but it is always there.

Mine seems to want to come out at night.  Usually late at night when I'm getting ready for bed.  I feel my eyes swimming in tears and my heart just sink.  I always have to remind myself to work on my wellness and my list to keep me from thinking about things that only hurt.  I am being critical of my looks despite the fact that I'm exercising everyday.  I am still stuck with the fact that most of the time, I do not like myself.

I go through cycles where I can be happy and the next day, the sad/crazy will return.  This past week has been difficult.  I went on an amazing vacation and came back to the insanity and stress of my job.  I generally like my job, but it's very slow at growth.

Sometimes I feel like a queen and at other times, I feel like I'm nothing.  I still have issues with my self-worth and self-esteem.  I want to be better.  I am told that I am better, but I feel different.  I'm not like I was before.  I have been touched by the scourge of depression and it refuses to let me go.  I fight it, but part of me is still missing.

The scenes from most of my life are not kind.  They are filled with bullying, loneliness and things that no one would be proud of.  I'm trying to move forward, but part of me is scarred eternally.


Most Reading