Lost and Found

I just wanted to write because I am still overcome with emotions.  They are good emotions though because I feel warm and have a bit of a glow.  Maybe it's the memories of maybe it's the apple cider that is making me glow or perhaps it's the cookies that remind me of him.  Maybe it's because it's the Day of the Doctor.

I keep remembering the good things.  The way he made me feel understood and the fact that he made me smile.  "If it can be remembered, maybe it can come back."  The Doctor said that.  He is the dreamer of impossible dreams.  I know healing is possible in some way.  I still miss talking to him everyday, but I still hold the memories.  He still believes that I can do anything.

I am proud of myself for taking the leap to do something for the company I work for.  It's solving a problem through education.  Education is never a bad thing in my mind, which is why I have come up with a development program, which is in outline form at the moment.  I want someone else to recognize my efforts because sometimes I have a poor sense of self and need to be reminded.

I am a bit disappointed with how this campaign turned out.  It had very low numbers and not a great response overall.  I Am Not My Scars had some of the most hits of any of my writing.  I tried to do something good and it didn't work out as well as I'd planned.  Maybe I'm not a good writer after all.  Maybe I should have done research, but all the things I've written about have made my life better.

I still believe that you can love someone and not be in love with them.  I still care for people that have left me.  Maybe that is foolish, but it's just who I am.  I have a big heart that has just been broken to pieces.  I still care and am trying to fix myself, but people need people.  I spend too much time alone, I think.

Maybe I just need to keep trying and be patient.  Things always changes because the human heart is not set in stone.  I don't believe that someone can just leave and not be so sad about it.  Some care enough to let you know that they have to go and others just disappear.  The ones that care, may come back.

I have things to look forward to in the short term like the Doctor Who 50th anniversary and still have my list.  While I am sad, I am happy too.  I am better than I was 9 months ago despite my thyroid having another attack.  Not everyday is good, but there are good things that I know will continue to happen. 


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