It's difficult for me to ask for any type of physical affection.  I'm not very close to my parents also my mother's idea of affection is patting people like dogs. Sometimes all I want is just to be held in someone's arms.  Someone who I trust and care for.  Not necessarily a lover because I don't think I'll have one for a very long time if ever, but just a friend.

One of the things that I used to love is having my hair played with.  I know that we have hairdressers that do that, but I loved it.  I know some people that think that hair touching is very intimate.  I don't think I'll have a lover and I want my hair braided, twisted and tussled. 

I am not sure what happened along the way where we all so a great lack of affection towards one another.  I know because of the years of cutting, that  I couldn't stand to be touched.  Now, that I've stopped, I just want to feel someone's touch.  I want something soothing that helps a bit more.

For now, I have stuffed animals.  It's not the same , but it's something that I have so I'm not sleeping alone.  I miss the simple act of holding a hand because one hand can open the world.


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