Sometimes you just have to write because the hollowness is too difficult to take.  I've had some good moments and some bad moments and yet I'm hollow.  I don't think I'm good enough to get a promotion because I'm not totally good with people.  I don't know how to connect.  I connected with very few in general, but it takes a long time for me to get to close to new people, if it happens at all.

I am not the easy going innocent person I was.  When I was younger people feared me with good reason.  I have a soft middle, but could project a toughness and a strength that no one could touch.  I connected to a very wonderful person who was like me...different.  I'm not an average human being.

I have a high amount of ESP and am extremely intelligent.  I've doubted both with devastating consequences.  I still wish that I lived in a world that left me unscathed, but now I'm someone else.  A shadow of what I was.  I'm more of a ghost. 

I am trying to live a normal life, but if I'm not an average human, how can I live a normal life?  I try to cope the best that I can.  I still believe in the power of hope, but healing takes time.  I don't think that I am meant to get married and have a family.  I have something bigger to do.  I can barely take care of myself let alone another person.  I mean I've put off my dental surgery for months because I didn't want to deal with it.  Now my mouth hurts at least once a week.

I just need support of friends.  I need someone to say that it's ok to be sad and that it's ok to miss a friend that I was connected to.  I don't want to hear that one day my feelings will change or that time will heal the pain.  I just want someone to tell me that it's ok to feel the loss and that if I want that friend back, that I can achieve it.  He still believes that I can do anything, if I put the effort into it.  Pile of Good Things is being worked on.  ___ Makes Life Better was achieved.  I also wrote down ideas for a museum proposal.

I am incredibly strong.  I'm still here, but I miss who I was.  I have to figure out who I am now.


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