Burn Out

I think I'm burning out.  Our sales are terrible and I keep making mistakes.  I think because I have an anxiety disorder and mild depression, it is harder for me to deal with stress.  My job while only requiring a high school education can be pretty stressful.  I was so much better in 2012.  Recovering is the hardest part of everything.

I really don't know how to combat burnout since there is little stability at my job.  Turnover is outrageous and I don't think very many people like me.  It's incredibly difficult trying to get better when nothing changes.  It's also very easy to slack off, which is what I've been doing because of the cold. 

Yesterday was a very painful meeting because it was a company wide meeting so he was there and so was my ex friend.  I talked to him a bit and he seems very tired expect when he has an audience then he's all upbeat.  He is a very good performer.  My ex friend doesn't even acknowledge my existence.  She walks past me as if we've never been introduced.  It's like the people that I support through all their darkness and hard times just can't handle me.  Perhaps it's easy to leave me or people just move on easily.  I understand that very few people are givers, but this is ridiculous.

Also at this meeting, they played videos about how people help out customers and go above and beyond.  One of the new people was talking about how all the employees acted like family and supported each other.  I just sat there and shook my head because I am a different person because of this place.  I remember the person that I used to be and I actually liked that person.  It wasn't perfect, but I was more alive than this.

I don't hate my job and I'm not ready to leave yet.  I hate what happened.  I forgave him a long time ago, but being this alone is too painful.  I know that every job has its own crap, but being the mess I am now is a direct result of it.  Thankfully there is wine, friends and shoes.


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