Give Me A Reason


Sometimes the hardest thing is finding a reason to keep going forward.  I still don't know how I'm still alive on sometimes.  I've had a million reasons to give up, but I just need one to keep going.  Sometimes I'm not sure what that reason is. 

I have the distant hope that maybe the people that I lost will find a way back to me.  I will not accept that anyone is lost forever.  Circumstances always change and I've learned to forgive a lot of things.  I will never forgive one person for abusing their power and acting unethically.  Ethics is always a difficult thing to convey and live up to, but somethings are unforgivable.  Totally destroying some one's life is not OK.  I will always forgive him because I forgave him all his faults long ago.  I miss him everyday and I don't think that will change.

My biggest problem is patience.  I've never really been good at waiting or patience in general.  I'm still learning because it is something that has to be learned.  It's a hard thing to learn because I think everyone is used to instant gratification.  Maybe that's why credit card debt is so high.

I just need a reason to keep going on.  Freddie and the Doctor keep me going, but I think a majority of the time it's a far flung hope that he doesn't hate me.  I'm going to try to do Pile of Good Things because mental illness is so stigmatized and discriminated against.  People with mental illness are still capable to have full lives, but we need some help maybe a bit more than the average person.

Just give me one reason to keep going.  Just one reason to not give up on you.

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