Some Thoughts

Sometimes there are too many thoughts swirling around in my head.  That's partially why I can't fall asleep until 2 am, which needs to change.  I have 2 major events coming up next week and I'm still sketchy on the details.  I start a new job on Tuesday, but the store doesn't open until Sunday, so no one is answering the phone yet.  I also have my unemployment appeal hearing  on Wednesday, which I have to schedule with my new job.  It seems like it's a whole mess.

I was glad for the time off to regain some of my health.  I also had time to work on my apartment.  My apartment is basically set up with the exception of a few things in my closet.  I will eventually be moving into the Master Bedroom after my parents move out.  I will have to get a roommate because I cannot afford this place on my own with the amount of money I will be making.

A lot of people think that depression last only a few day or weeks at maximum.  For some unfortunate people it can last for years and the severity of it can wax and wane.  I know that mine is like that.  My major signal is that I am irritable and unfocused.  Today I was eating a ton of sugary foods because of the anxiety that I was feeling.  My depression rating is low, but my anxiety is up.  It also doesn't help that I am lonely.

I still think about him and I remember some of the things he said.  He said that I was incredibly strong.   I really am, but I feel like everyone has abandoned me.  Yes, I understand busy schedules, but we all need to learn time management and how to make time for people.  We all need someone and for me your person is not necessarily going to be your lover/partner/spouse.  I love a lot of people, but none of it is romantic love.  Yes, I still miss him.

I think Americans because of our puritan roots run on some perverse form of stress to show accomplishment.  Students have the same amount of anxiety as mental patients from the 1950's.  Maybe that's why mental illness is so high.  So much stress is killing us.  That's part of the obesity problem as well.  Society seems to be falling apart left and right. 

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