It's Been A Long Time

I think I was overworked this week.  I was actually delirious at one point because I didn't know where I was.  I was also in danger of losing control.  I think part of this is because my period has been giving me worse emotional symptoms in the past few months.

Aside from irritability, I get rageful and have a bit of abdominal pain.  I am a bit worried that I have an ovarian cyst.  The unfortunate thing is that I have health coverage under work starting on Saturday with a $1500 deductible.  Since it is not time for my yearly exam, I will have to pay for it.  I should probably set it up.

I also need a break from work.  I work in a high volume, high pressure store.  I think it's getting to me.  I know that people suck and are horribly rude.  I wish that I could transfer back to my old store, even if it's just so I can feel useful and I can kind of avoid people for a little bit by doing other tasks.  You kind of can't avoid customers in the pharmacy unless you are putting away an order.

I have a 12 hour day tomorrow.  I am not looking forward to doing that.  I wish I could have a consistent schedule.  I am sick and will continue to be sick without some sort of stability.

The worst part is that I miss my friend.  Yes, he is crazy, but he was there.  He understood what it was like to be like this and would never judge me for it.  I think he wanted to help in some way.  I know that no one can replace that relationship.  No relationship is ever the same, but I miss him so much because I wasn't done.  I think he misses me too.  I wanted more time.  I'm still angry that ignorance, stupidity and paranoia won out over all the good he and I could have done together. 

Somehow doing what's right is the loneliest thing in the universe.


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