SI think I was overworked this week. I was actually delirious at one point because I didn't know where I was. I was also in danger of losing control. I think part of this is because my period has been giving me worse emotional symptoms in the past few months.
Aside from irritability, I get rageful and have a bit of abdominal pain. I am a bit worried that I have an ovarian cyst. The unfortunate thing is that I have health coverage under work starting on Saturday with a $1500 deductible. Since it is not time for my yearly exam, I will have to pay for it. I should probably set it up.
I also need a break from work. I work in a high volume, high pressure store. I think it's getting to me. I know that people suck and are horribly rude. I wish that I could transfer back to my old store, even if it's just so I can feel useful and I can kind of avoid people for a little bit by doing other tasks. You kind of can't avoid customers in the pharmacy unless you are putting away an order.
I have a 12 hour day tomorrow. I am not looking forward to doing that. I wish I could have a consistent schedule. I am sick and will continue to be sick without some sort of stability.
The worst part is that I miss my friend. Yes, he is crazy, but he was there. He understood what it was like to be like this and would never judge me for it. I think he wanted to help in some way. I know that no one can replace that relationship. No relationship is ever the same, but I miss him so much because I wasn't done. I think he misses me too. I wanted more time. I'm still angry that ignorance, stupidity and paranoia won out over all the good he and I could have done together.
Somehow doing what's right is the loneliest thing in the universe.