How are you?

It's a simple question that people ask, but do they always want to know the answer?  If I'm stable I say good.  If I'm down or upset, I say all right. So when Geof asked the simple question, I was surprised.  He then followed up with that he asked because he cares and no one asks.  I am OK, which means I'm stable, but I'm also a bit sad and have a sense of relief.  They are an odd combination indeed.

I am sad about losing the friend that I have been talking about in previous posts.  I think maybe I felt more for him than I realized and that loss has left a hollowness in me.  I know that it will take a while to stop missing him and wishing that things were different and that is why I am sad.

I am relieved because I will finally be getting a mini break at work.  Because of my medication and my issues mornings are really difficult for me.  I just have to get paperwork signed by my psych and then I get a mini relaxing moment.  It's not that I don't like work, but the amount of stress makes it a bit difficult for me to improve.  I am staying stable, but not getting to the point where I am happy.

I also have this great sense of hope that things are improving and that I am starting to accomplish goals that have just been on the back burner.  I have lost weight and hope to be below 200 lbs within the next two months.  I also want to finish some of my list items as well as start repairing my relationships. 

While there is always a mix of emotions when it comes to getting better.  I did appreciate being asked genuinely how I was.  Perhaps asking the simple question may help us connect and that starts the healing.

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