The lingering symptom

I was going to write about Silver Linings Playbook, but I will save that for another day because I have a lingering symptom of both depression and anxiety.  I think it needs to be discussed because getting better is a tough business and this symptom will not subside easily.  The symptom I'm speaking of is exhaustion.

It doesn't matter what time I go to bed or how much I sleep I am always tired.  This fatigue is also a trigger as my urges to self harm rise because I can't use the coping tools well when I'm tired.  I feel like I'm dragging most of the day and it's why mornings are so difficult for me.

This exhaustion also effects my concentration and that makes me very frustrated because I am so intelligent, which I pride myself on.  This lack of focus means I make mistakes that I didn't make before the incident, which made my issues so much worse.

I have asked for an extra break at work so that I will have time to calm down because of this exhaustion which makes my anxiety rise and that leads to chest pain.  I am just waiting for my APRN to finish filling out the paperwork so that I can file it with my job.  It will be such a relief to get a break and to be able to take care of myself because I want to be good at my job again and actually enjoy it.

I also want to address some other things, but that is for another time as well.  The main thing I want to say is that I appreciate comments and if you use the drop down menu on there you can use either open ID or anonymous.  I hope to hear from someone because people have sent my private messages that are encouraging.  I hope this makes mental health have a face and voice because those that suffer feel alone and are not.

I will continue to write and will continue to fight this one last lingering symptom.  Getting better is exhausting mentally, physically and emotionally.  I'm retraining my brain, exercising and learning how to deal with my emotions without running away from them.  It is all draining and I am still hoping to overcome it.

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