S
Love is one of those emotions that are very confusing. I have stated that there are different types of love, but I also think that the lines between them can get blurred or we just don't understand the differences between them. I know I get confused between deeply caring, love and being in love. While love is complex on all levels, it can heal.I went to NYC yesterday for my annual visit with a friend from college. The day we met, was when my dark secrets got revealed. I tried so hard to convince him that I was fine, but I really wasn't. He was super calm and cool about the entire thing probably because he's not phased by anything anymore. I didn't talk to him for like 2 years after that and then we became friends. He was someone that I could trust. I was confused about my feelings for him. I thought I was in love with him for a short time, but it turned out that I just loved him. Does that make sense? I don't believe that I've ever been in love.
Part of depression for me, is no longer being able to feel love or be loved. That is a part of the emptiness that is the hallmark of depression. We know that we love and are loved, but we can no longer feel it. Yesterday was kind of a breakthrough because I have been able to love for a few weeks now, feeling love in return was not possible. As I said goodbye to my friend, I looked at him and told him I loved him. He looked back at me and said that he loved me too. I actually felt that.
Maybe I am getting better. Now while I miss the other man, who I adored and cared for more than words can describe. I have hope for making a recovery.
S
